Sunday, December 2, 2012

Waiting...

I have been remiss on blogging for a bit. I am struggling with the waiting and don't wish to bore you with my inner agony.

 But to catch you up, I have been waiting.
 and waiting
and waiting
and waiting.
 Waiting for 20 more business days to pass until that glorious time when I finally hear the words "I have your appointment date!"

 Yesterday made the 20 days.

 Today I expected those fateful words.

 Those words did not come. 

To be quite honest, I was up cradling my phone starting at about 3:46am. (ok, not about 3:46, exactly 3:46) In the dark, only the glow of my phone illuminating my hopeful face. The not-so-dulcet tones of my under-the-weather husband contributing to my insomnia. However the real cause was hope. Hope that I would be leaving soon. Anxiety tried to steal my hope. As the minutes ticked by and no answer came, doubt reared it's ugly head. Trying to turn me into:

 ANXIETY GIRL- able to leap to the worst conclusion in a single bound!

But the Holy Spirit was having none of it.
He whispered gently to my soul encouraging me that I was not alone.  From 4am until I finally got out of bed around 7, I read Psalms and sang praise music in my mind.  The praise songs were because a verse would trigger the song based on it.

I did not receive the email I am so desperate for, but I also didn't get an email telling me that we had been rejected again.  This most certainly would have come on Friday.

So from the comfort of my home, in the safety of my husband's arms, listening to the chorus of my children's voices, I continue to wait.

4 comments:

Vertical Mom said...

I feel your pain and over and over and over God puts Ex. 14:14 in front of my face from the most random places. I don't like the waiting but at least I know that He's fighting for our kids. Praying for supernatural peace for you!

TheLazyJ said...

So glad you posted! I've been wondering what's been happening. Saying a prayer for you. I remember the waits in our adoptions, and they are some of the biggest faith building times we've had to go through. Praying for the Holy Spirit to continue to fill you as you wait on our Father and His perfect timing. (How tired are you of hearing that?!) It will all be worth it. Just hang on!

Julia said...

I'm so sorry!! I've been praying and wondering and hoping and wishing and praying some more!! Please Dear Lord!

Cathy said...

I keep checking your blog and praying that you get the "blessed" call" soon!