To my adoptive friends, do you ever get this question? I suppose you could and probably do get this question for any number of things that you do purely from an "obedience to God" standpoint, but let's use adoption as a specific.
The question is asked out of sincere concern. Honest fear that choosing to add children to your family is somehow going to be unfair to the the children who already live with you. While I realize the questioner thinks they are asking out of love, the question always appalls me. I struggle with the desire to scream about "what's fair". Is it fair that there are children who have to watch their parents die because there is no medicine available? Is it fair that a mother feels compelled to place her child for adoption because her husband has died, 2 of her children have also died, and if she doesn't seek help from an orphanage NOW, this precious child whom she loves will die as well? Is it fair that people are starving to death even as food rots in my refirgerator? That I can pay $10 and see a doctor whenever I want to, much less need to? Is it fair that I keep getting to be the mom who loves her kids so much that I get to be the one who hugs, and kisses, and raises them, and each time some other woman has to be the one who loves them so much that she has to be the one to let them go?
IS THIS FAIR???
So the questioner is asking if it is fair to give this child a home when it will require 3 kids to have to share a room.
WHAT???!!!
I take a number of deep breaths and simply say that I don't think it's wrong for kids to share a room. That personal space is not my highest priority.
But it is so much more than that. The person really means well in asking the question. Really feels that she is being an advocate for my children. I know that, but it breaks my heart that none of the stuff about the children I am bringing home is even a thought in her head. Those problems aren't real to people who ask this question. They haven't heard, haven't seen, and more importantly, aren't looking.
Well my eyes have been opened. I can't un-see. I can't un-know. And I don't want to. I need it to be an open wound that never goes away so that I don't ever stop doing what God wants me to do.
So to answer the original question- How do I know it is God asking me to do this and not satan whispering in my ear to destroy my family?
I know because the Bible says so:
For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, .....The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me'.--- Matthew 25:35,40
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
God sets the lonely in families.--- Psalm 68:6
John 14:18
"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.
Religion that God our Father Accepts as pure and faultless is this:to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.--- James 1:27
This is my answer. This is how I KNOW.
Any questions?
8 comments:
:) Yes, the 'what on earth are you doing' question - know it well.
Here is one thing that I have discovered rather recently. A couple of people that I expected to be VERY supportive of our adoption just aren't - not at all. I am trying to remember that not everyone is where we are [it took us a LONG time to get to this point in our walk with God!] - and following God is really scary at first! Giving up control is, in my humble opinion, the biggest barrier to just letting God call the shots. People who aren't there yet can't understand. Extra grace required - you know what you are doing and why and God is smiling. On you. How wonderful!
Many of the decisions I have made have been met with "what in God's name are you doing?" Frankly, those reactions have made me doubt my decisions along the way. But God reminds me that the actions He is asking me to perform are not in my name but His.
I often question if the things I do are lucid ;) Because by all worldly appearance people would (and do) think I am nuts. These desires I feel are not about me but rather about me doing my part and trusting.
I think many people, as outsiders looking into our situations, do so with a great deal of fear. It is something they would never choose to do and they most certainly wouldn't "inconvenience" themselves to do it.
There is the way of the world and the way of the heart. God lives in my heart and paves the way for the all of the ridiculous things I do :) It's not my call. It's His. Living for God makes life so very challenging but this is the way when we choose to obey Him.
When I put my "self" aside, my life becomes that of service. Yet so often I get distracted/tempted and I forget that.
I always enjoy your thought provoking posts. It helps me get clearererer. Thanks for allowing my rambling to take up space on your blog :)
thanks so much for your comments. It has so been on my mind. I read the post again and I hope I don't sound angry. I really am just sad. I know that my friends who make these comments care, just so not for the things that are real. I feel like I've failed that they can be so close to me and I haven't rubbed off on them at all. Not that they would open their homes to orphans (although wouldn't that be great) but to just open their eyes at all. Even after 5 children that I get to call my own? FIVE CHILDREN WHO NEEDED A NEW FAMILY, THAT THEY DO AND WILL KNOW PERSONALLY? FIVE?! I have to keep praying, and serving God and keep my eyes on Him and hope that He will shine more brightly through me.
Traci
Great post and so timely. :) I just posted on my blog about the message taught today at church. It was about God's will for our life and how we need to follow out of obedience to Him. When we do that we will sometimes look to be a little nuts to other's and you know what, that is Ok and it probably means that you are aligning with God's will and not the world's. Here is a quote from today, "Those who abide in Christ, Obey Christ." So true!!! Praying for you and can't wait to see your kids soon.
I know exactly what you mean. People always want to know where do we put all of our kids?
A new neighbor(who I barely know) asked me "How do you all fit in that house?"
Remember, we as Christians are set apart from "the world." It will not be easy when we take up our cross and follow Christ, there will be trouble.
People who are not truly walking with the Lord can't even see things the way we see them, through God's eyes.
They won't see clearly like we do, until they accept Christ as their Savior and let the Holy Spirit work in them.
Even though we know this, yes it is still frustrating. But, we have to take/accept people where they are and pray that God will come into their lives, hearts, and open their eyes so they too can see clearly.
I love you my friend,
Sue
I'm new on your blog... wow. I can't wait for more!! Can I send some of the irreverent questioners in my life to your blog to get their answers?? :) Blessings! (And keep it coming!)
Shelly,
nice to meet you. If you think your friends would benefit from my little blog they are more than welcome to visit.
I look forward to getting to know you!
Traci
Traci,
If you haven't already, get the song, "I saw what I saw" by Sara Groves. It will probably become your life's theme song! I know it's mine.
Amanda
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