Let me state for the record that it is an honor and a privilege to be my kids' mom. They already had a mom and a dad, but because we live in a fallen world, they all needed a new one. God commissioned us to be their parents. I rejoice daily that he picked us and gave us the will to say yes.
Last week I was definitely feeling the pressure of a down week. I would be lying if I never admitted to wanting to "stab myself in the eye". (For some reason this is my relief valve of choice. Apparently all the pressure is behind my eye.) Sometimes it is very hard to have the patience required to meet their needs. The reason it is so hard is that alone I CANNOT DO IT. I can only do it when He does it through me. It gets hard when I think I am doing it myself. I rip the steering wheel from God's hands and yell "I got it" as I tear the wrong way down a one-way street. Then God stops the car, tosses me back into the rear seat where I belong and we continue on our journey. Guess who thought she was driving last week? Guess who ALWAYS thinks she is driving?
Yep, its me.
Through my struggle to meet Hanna's heart needs and find connection with her, God is revealing to me just how conditional my love is and how unconditional His love is. As God's child, I am stubborn, self centered, rude, inconsiderate, impatient... the list goes on. In spite of it, God loves me so much that He sent His perfect Son to take the wrath for all of that so I could go to heaven.
The definition for love is as follows:
Love is giving of myself to meet others' needs whether they deserve it or not and expecting nothing in return.
As a parent, I expect obedience. In fact, I require it. Do I get it all of the time? Ha! Do I love my kids in spite of it? You bet.
As Heavenly Father, God requires things too.
This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this...
How do we accomplish this?
that one lay down his life for his friends.
I must lay down my life for my children. In order to obey God, I need to love them and set aside my own selfish desires in order to meet their needs.
They need a mother.
That mother is me.
Thank you God.