When a new child comes into your home, everything changes. It is exciting and fun and thrilling and delightful, and exhausting, and depressing and dismaying.
Yep, I said it.
And I am not even talking about your child's transition. I am talking about yours. Mine. The parent's.
I am Excited.
I am having fun.
I am thrilled.
I am delighted.
I am exhausted.
I am depressed.
I am dismayed.
I am excited about the change God had in mind for my family. I am having fun with our new daughter and all the ways she completes our family in a way we didn't even know there were deficiencies. I am thrilled that God chose us. That we get to serve Him in this way and that I get to be Dasha's mom. I am delighted with everything about our life, our home, our family, our heavenly Father.
But I am also exhausted. When your life changes, it is exhausting. All the old patterns and habbits get disrupted. Your old comfortable groove is gone and you have to take the time to carve out a new groove. Until that groove is nice and deep, plan on being very, very tired.
I am depressed. I miss the old. I miss snuggling in bed until long past the time I should get up on a Saturday morning. I miss all my old indulgent habbits that I no longer get to indulge in. I am depressed that all the idosycracies that my husband has are still there. When I feel like I don't have a handle on things, all the little things that I normally suck up, frustrate me more than usual. All the "good enough for now" things that I deal with, I no longer have any patience for. I am suddenly sick of "good enough for now" and my poor spouse is left feeling like his wife has disappeared and a banshee has replaced her. Yes, it is very selfish of me. That would be why I am dismayed.
I feel dismay that even after all the Holy Spirit brought me through, all my deep spiritual growth that I so value having experienced, I am just another Israellite complaining in the wilderness about food and water. All of a sudden, only perfection is good enough for me. You know, because I am so perfect.
Yep. Change is hard and discouraging and depressing. If you aren't careful, it can blind you to the beautiful transformation that God has planned for you. You can miss the delight, the thrill, the fun and the excitement of living in God's will and you can climb right out of His perfect peace.
guard my heart. Keep my eyes on you. Help me delight in your gifts and be broken over what breaks your heart. May I always be a vessel used in your work and please, keep me in your perfect peace.